Dating and loving
Are you working through the struggles that might be there with your family and extended family?I wrote a book called Christi and I maintain a date night once a week.How many times in a dating relationship does a partner fall out of love before the other falls out of love? It would be nice if you could read the five love languages together and particularly the chapter when I talk about being in love.Perhaps she would come to discover that these feelings dissipate for everyone.I’m choosing to trust you.” Obviously, if they are untrustworthy, you will be hurt again.But you choose to trust, it’s a choice we make in every relationship. I asked my dad about this experience, and here’s how he described it: he told his parents he was ready to get married, so his family arranged meetings with three neighboring families. That’s how my dad decided on the person with whom he was going to spend the rest of his life. I am perpetually indecisive about even the most mundane things, and I couldn’t imagine navigating such a huge life decision so quickly. Happily so—and probably more so than most people I know who had nonarranged marriages.
If this mentality pervades our decisionmaking in so many realms, is it also affecting how we choose a romantic partner?If a person can’t grow in these areas before marriage, then they’re not going to grow in them after marriage.So these are the kind of things that need to be settled before you get married. Did they have a problem with alcohol, drugs or other addictive ? Don’t let the “in love” experience blind you to the truth. We often reach back and bring the fears of that past relationship into the new relationship.Before you marry, you had best find out what your potential souse was like before the two of you “fell in love.” Ask parents, siblings, work associates and friends, but by all means ask them questions. And you say to this new person, “Here’s what I’m feeling, here’s what I’m fearing.I don’t want to bring that into our relationship and put that between us.
With little kids, it’s necessary for us to stay connected with one another beyond “business talk” or “kid talk.” However, like most couples, spending money on a babysitter and the date itself can get pretty expensive over time.